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See Me, Hear Me, Touch Me, Please

Jan 25, 2023

Hey Sexy Thang, I was asked recently, “What does it mean to focus on sensation during a sexual experience?”

Well, what a powerful question! Focusing on sensation means to be present to your senses. Paying close attention to what you hear, feel, smell, see, and taste. Each sense adds a layer to the overall pleasure experience. The more attuned we are to our senses, the greater pleasure we have access to. In the past, touch was the only sensation that held my attention. It tends to be the focal point in most sexual experiences, so of course we give it center stage. But including all five senses into sex play allows for a deeper connection to the body’s orgasmic experience. It can take sex from simply adequate to dynamic. As we get closer to February, the month of love, I challenge you to explore with me all the ways our senses can be used to enhance intimacy and connection- both with yourself and your partner(s). This will be a journey of discovery. We’ll discover which senses bring you the most pleasure and learn which combination of senses provide more pleasure. Let’s start by spending time focusing on each sense individually. One of the senses that I think we don’t pay enough attention to is sound. It has such a profound effect on the body, our emotions and our arousal level. When breast feeding mothers hear a child crying their body's physical reaction is to release milk. When we hear certain words/phrases spoken like “active shooter" or "I love you" our nervous system responds in a variety of ways. Notice what happened in your body when you read the phrase “active shooter”. You might have felt tightening in your chest and jaw, or maybe nothing was felt in the body but emotions of anxiety and fear or even a memory may have arisen. Now think about the phrase, "I love you”. Focus on hearing that phrase as if it was said from a loved one. Hear it, feel it. What arises in your body? What sensations came up? What you feel does not have to be a visceral reaction. It could be warmth, happiness, or a sense of safety. Or maybe you notice overall feelings of love, admiration and possibly desire. Take this same concept and apply it to your sensuality. Imagine the erotic sounds of your partner, hear their breath next to your ear, experience their sounds as if they were right next to you. Notice what happens within your body with those sounds in mind. Develop your connection with sound by paying extra attention to all sounds. Listen for the sound of the wind, the pitter patter of the rain. Notice the sounds your house makes. What does it sound like when you go to lay down in bed? Hear the sound of your breath. When self-pleasuring, listen for the quiet moans that erupt from deep within. Allow yourself to really hear you, listen in and see how your body responds. Pleasure Opportunity: Journal about your experiences. Keep a log of the sounds that bring sensual arousal, calm, excitement, and fear. There are a variety of sounds that can bring pleasure, see how many you can identify throughout your day/ week. Enjoy, Robin Denise is a sexologist, sacred sex coach, sex doula, and sensual yoga trapeze instructor. She specializes in helping individuals, couples, and poly couples, improve their sexual health and intimacy through a holistic and body-centered approach. She currently resides in Maryland with clients in the DC/MD/VA area, Atlanta, and California. She offers private 1 on 1 retreats in Costa Rica throughout the year. She's published numerous journals on self-love and self-pleasure currently available on her website here. To learn more about Robin's work click here.For consultations click here. TikTok: @robin.denise Instagram: @robin_denise_

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